You may have seen most of his before, but I refer you to the par. beginning ‘Later, I applied….’  A clear all time record for pure bullshit.

In light of the behaviour of Bendigo Bank about scamming, I decided to switch to the Commonwealth Bank – in which I also hold shares.  (You may recall that I had previously written off NAB.)  This led to further, and in some sense, worse unhappiness.  

 I had been a customer of the Commonwealth Bank through the CDIA account of my self-managed superfund for nearly 20 years.  Commsec, which is owned by the bank, operates the shareholdings, and the CDIA account handles the cash. The Commonwealth Bank therefore knows all there is to know about my super – including the pension I receive from it.  It was about to begin to receive  my C’th pension.

When I first went to the Williamstown branch, I took my home Certificate of Title.  There is no mortgage .  I was told they did not need to see my title.  I then and there opened two personal accounts that showed up on my screen with the CDIA account at CBA Netbank.

I expected  two credit cards.  I got two debit cards.  One bounced publicly at the Yarraville restaurant I patronise – no need to blush there, as I was dealing with literate adults.

So, I then spent another hour at Williamstown completing forms with staff and explaining the above.  We settled on a limit of $5000.  The accounts held by the bank showed it held shares for my fund worth forty times that amount – which is less than what I receive each month by my two pensions.

Could the bank seriously say it needed more documentation to allow credit of $5000?

You bet – just wait for the robots to swing into action.  They wanted more documents about the fund they had held from its inception. This of course came in a DO NOT REPLY email – or by referral to my inbox at Netbank – so aping MyGov.  In illiterate gibberish. 

So, back to Willy for another session of an hour or so – trying to explain this madness.  I took in the fund’s most recent tax return.  Later that day I rang the bank in response to another DO NOT REPLY  – and I got referred to my Inbox.

Please upload the following to document to support your credit card application: 1. most latest Self Manage Super Fund Member Statement (please note the document provided was too old)

And so it goes.  Senseless gibberish.  Next will come another DNR suggesting I call them – and endure the endless delay and deceitful palaver -to find out the demands of ‘Cards Verification’ – whose word is command.  Why not just say what is required – and in a way that the customer can respond to? 

Perhaps, the bank might even call the customer!  Just imagine buying a Toyota and getting a DNR from the dealer asking you to ring a crowded switch to ascertain the next mandate from Tokyo.  That deal would be off the table with the speed of light.  And you would be relieved to be relieved from dealing with such people.

I had so far spoken with about eight people at the bank.  None had the wherewithal or authority to complete a simple banking transaction – and a least some felt uneasy about that.  You can bet that the rich don’t get this brush-off.  There is this vice like determination to sustain a regime that does not allow dignity to operatives within – or respect or common decency for customers without.  It is a dreadful part of the war against humanity.

Finally, I got through to a sensible lady in Sydney, and the matter was fixed that day.  When the card arrived, I got a 56-page booklet.  That would state the conditions – including indemnity for scans – of use and I would accept those conditions busing the card.  Is it seriously contended that the average Australian reads, understands and accepts those conditions?

Later I applied online to increase the credit limit to $10,000.)  Silly boy. The robots responded in less than one minute.  ‘After reviewing your application we’re unable to offer you an increase at this time.’  I pointed out that was simply untrue.  And off we go for another round of beating your head against a brick wall.  But wait.  I sent an email to CBA setting this out.  And Boy!  Did the robots retaliate?  Instanter. 

The email sent (details below) had a match with the High Profanity dictionary used in this organisation. The e-mail has not been sent. Please modify the language used before re-sending the message.

According to the press, the CEO of this bank gets paid north of $7M a year.  That is more than ten times what Australians pay the Chief Justice of the High Court.  And for that, the customers, if not the shareholders(including me in each), get a ship that is breaking up and sinking before our eyes.

It is as if the CBA is playing snakes and ladders with our psyche – or sanity.  Those who devise this cruel mode of contact must be bent on removing any humanity from the dealings between the bank and its customers.  Hence the grinding closure of branches and ATMs.  It did not take me long to conclude the CBA was more brutal than the Bendigo Bank.  And it shows on the premises of the branch.  The atmosphere is like that of Centrelink – a war zone – with the same message about not answering back in anger.  And do those who earn – if that’s the word – say forty times what those on the shop floor earn still have the gall to talk about a ‘social licence’?